The Nankipooh Enquirer: “Why Bascomb”

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“Why Bascomb”
By: Bascomb Biggers
My name is Bascomb Biggers.  In 1828 when my daddy was just a small boy of four years, his family moved from South Carolina to a small frontier town on the Chattahoochee River, called Columbus, Georgia. He spent the next sixteen years of his life growin up near the river and watchin his father plow the hard, red Georgia clay, in an effort to feed his family.
When he turned twenty, he struck out on his own and started his own farm in Harris County, Georgia, near what is today Calloway Gardens, but in those days there was just little Mulberry Grove, and a small village named Hamilton.  I was born on that farm in 1857.
Durin my lifetime I saw quite a lot of history as I watched our country grow up. That included the Civil War, which is about as bad as it has ever got in this country.  It looks like now though, that we are in some pretty hard times again, and I just can’t hold my say any longer.
Here are a few things that remind me that no matter how hard times get, we are still lucky, and mighty beholden to the good Lord for looking out for us.  When people ask me how I am, I say, “Better than I deserve, but not as good as I wanna be!”  Which is a reminder to me that we all owe everything to the good Lord!  But, here are a few of those things that I mentioned.
1. Hearin the bell rung to come in for dinner, after bein in the field since sun up.
2. A dipper full of cold well water, after six hours out in the hot July Georgia sun.
3.The sound of caddie-dids up in the trees at sundown.
4.Watchin the lightnin bugs after dark.
5. Hearin that old bull frog down by the mill pond late in the evening.
6. Waking up in the mornin to the rooster crow, and knowin there are fresh eggs, and homemade biscuits for breakfast.
7. Walkin out to the fields with the fresh scent of Georgia Pine in my nostrils.
Something I ain’t never liked:  A politician standin on a tree stump makin promises for votes, that you know he ain’t never gonna keep!  That might be why I decided to run for President of this great land, and since some folks have asked what it is that I stand for, I decided to run a little list in the Enquirer to let everyone know.
“A lot of folks have been askin me where I stand on the issues, besides hatin all of the lyin Skunks and Polecats up in DC.”  Well there are three big issues facin the country today.
1.  Immigration
2.  Money
3.  Jobs
Well first let me say that when it comes to our borders, that I believe we should have regular patrols to keep them folks from down in Columbus from sneakin in up here in Nankipooh.  I also understand that there has been a few of them Roosevelt Liberals from over in Warm Springs comin over here to our barn dances. 
When it comes to the broader issue, I ain’t wantin none of them folks from Alabama or Tennessee comin around here neither.  Now my kin folks came to Nankipooh from South Carolina a few hundred years ago, so I guess them folks are alright, but we don’t want none of them yankees sneakin up here from Florida though.
Now when you start talkin about money, its a tough subject, since most of the folks around Nankipooh ain’t got much of it.  It seems like the government and the banks got most of the money, and they ain’t spreadin it around too much.  The big Federal Bank up in DC just keeps givin the littler banks money for free, and they use it to buy up mortgages and other banks.  The 1st Nankipooh Bank wouldn’t even lend old Bascomb any money to put more stock in the Nankipooh General Store.  A bunch of folks around here is tradin with each other, since they ain’t got no money, but I understand that the government is tryin to figure out how to put a tax on that too.
Maybe the best thing would be for us to print our own money down here in Nankipooh and not use none of them DC greenbacks.  We ain’t got none anyway.  Course the Skunks and Polecats up in DC won’t allow that either, since they are the only ones allowed to print money to pay bills, that they ain’t got no money for.  So I say let’s do away with money and go back to usin gold and silver, or just tradin with one another.
Now the hardest thing is how to come up with some more jobs.  Maybe the farmers could take on folks to help them, and teach them how to farm, and then after they have learned, they could give them a little strip of land of their own to farm.  Old Bascomb is willin to take on a helper at the Nankipooh General Store and teach him how to be a store keeper in exchange for him runnin the soft drink department on a commission basis.
There is a lot of folks that ain’t got a job cause they don’t know how to do what people is payin for.  Maybe the Mayor of Nankipooh could teach some folks about politics, since there seems to be a lot of work for politicians.  It also seems that the government and the banks ought to be hirin since they got all the money.  If folks don’t work, they can’t spend money or pay taxes, and that’s what it takes to keep things runnin.
Now the one thing we all got to learn to get through hard times, is that you can’t buy things that you ain’t got no money for.  If you are in debt, you can’t borrow your way out of debt, just like you can’t dig yourself out of a hole!  That goes for folks in Nankipooh as well as the Skunks and Polecats up in DC! 


Well that about sums up what old Bascomb is all about.  I stand for honesty and small government.  I also believe in people takin care of themselves, and not expectin somebody else to look out for them.  I believe in America and Americans, not slash something else Americans.  I believe Americans can lick anybody on this earth, and I believe we can lick the problems set in front of us right now, but we ain’t gonna do it if we don’t pull together, and we ain’t gonna do it by sendin more money to DC.
Oh, there is one more thing old Bascomb stands for, and that’s makin Fried Catfish the National Dinner.
“Now that’s the way I see it , and you can tell-em I said so.”
Bascomb Biggers
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PLATFORM PLANK #9-Make Fried Catfish the National Dinner

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